You know what it is?
I think I'm bitter.
I don't like being bitter.

I'm too down on myself, but that's discipline. I'm sick of feeling like I don't work hard enough at things: like I could always be better or faster or more expressive or more dedicated to my work or smarter or that I could have and SHOULD have chosen a better career path. I'm sick of being told that I'm going in the wrong direction because I won't make enough money.
"So what do you hope to do with your music major?"
"Studying abroad in China sounds like a bad idea. You shouldn't go."
"How many hours a day do you practice?"
"You could be so much more than you are."
"I weigh 130 pounds and I'm fat."

My heart is just...exhausted, friends.
I have fought for love so many times and have been failed.
I have rummaged through people's dreams and given them reason to chase after them while it only makes me question my own.
The feeling of being used is not a good one, folks, and one I hope you don't often feel. I've gotten my share.

I don't like that I'm angry and bitter and hurting and questioning.
Take me out of this.